The Loneliness of Cancer Recovery: A Personal Reflection
As a victim of endometrial cancer, my life took a dramatic turn when I went through a hysterectomy followed by a wound infection that led to a dehisced wound and a urinary catheter. Through chemotherapy and radiation, my body fought valiantly against the disease, but my biggest opponent was arguably the loneliness that crept in during a moment of vulnerability.
A Moment of Rejection
One of the darkest moments was when my ex-husband left me at the hospital because of my wound and catheter. He said, “You’re not coming home with that pissbag,” and that I smelled terrible. As a nurse, I knew he left because he couldn’t cope with the smell of my infected wound. Instead of offering care, he left, leaving me sitting in a freezing chasm of emotional and physical pain.
Rejection and Isolation
The nurse at the hospital was not my first supporter. She just explained that I couldn’t return home, emphasizing that I needed to stay. Calls to my parents were unsuccessful, and I felt isolated. Eventually, my doctor intervened, but the emotional pain was profound. My second husband, who was my first love, left me for another woman, leading to more heartbreak. This pattern of rejection and isolation deepened the emotional scars of my cancer journey.
A Turning Point
Fast forward to my second marriage, and I was diagnosed with cancer again. This time, my husband was unlike my first one. When I told him, he put his arms around me and said, “No, WE have cancer. You are not going through this alone. I am with you every step. I might not know what to do, but if you teach me, I will learn…”
His support and love transformed my healing journey. He has taken over all responsibilities, and despite the difficulties, he helps me through each day with unwavering love and compassion. His support made all the difference, from caring for my wounds to feeding and attending to my basic needs.
Love and Healing
My second husband’s love is a knight standing by me. Even with recurring fears of loneliness and rejection, he understands me and leaves me notes of encouragement. These notes are small works of art, filled with love and support, reminding me that I am not alone. In the darkest moments, his love is a beacon that guides me through.
Final Thoughts on Cancer, Love, and Healing
Though I made a better choice with my second husband, it’s not just about him. It's about recognizing when we feel alone and reaching out for support. Finding partners who offer complete support and love can make all the difference. If you're facing a similar journey, know that you can find that kind of love. Never go through it alone. Your loved ones are there to support you every step of the way.
As someone who has navigated through cancer and the depths of loneliness, I want to convey a message. There is no shame in seeking help or in asking for the love and support you need. Love and companionship can heal the deepest wounds.